Last time I was pregnant, I remember lamenting to SO MANY PEOPLE that I was afraid once I had a kid, that I would become lost in this total mom identity. The fear of slowly sinking into a world revolving around children consumed me.
I've been a mom now for almost 20 months and I laugh at that, and I think about how many of my mom friends probably patiently nodded as they laughed inside whenever I confided in them these fears. I think being a parent is a lot different than I imagined, but certainly a lot better.
It's better because I'm not the same person. We are challenged to think every day about how the things we do or say or how we react might shape our kid's life. Reactions - that is a big one, right? Actions are a lot easier than reactions, I think. I can plan out our day all I want, but when something unexpected happens, my reactions could be everything to how she sees us, if that makes sense. I heard someone say recently that as a mother, the tone that you speak to your daughter in will be the same voice she hears as her inner voice as she grows up. At first I was like, that's dumb. And then I thought about it and realized I hear my mom's voice pop up in my head a lot, and there's probably some truth to that.
And yet, being a parent is different than I imagined because nobody has yet forced me into listening to Michael Bublé. And I still wouldn't wear khakis. I had this mental image of the person I would become once I had Imogen, and I'm pleased to say it is just absurd to think that one life change would turn you into this predictably boring person that you don't want to be. I did cut my hair shorter, but I have always liked my hair better short. So take that. I like who I am. A baby doesn't change that.
We still get to make time for friends, and I get to sew or paint while Imogen is napping. Josh + I get to spend time together, or make pizza, or watch our favorite shows after she goes to bed, and I still read every night (something I was always afraid I wouldn't have time for, because I had heard so many other moms say they don't have time to read). You make time for the things that are important to you. Right? I remember even when Imogen was a newborn and I barely had any sleep, once when she was napping and I was exhausted beyond belief, I stubbornly stayed awake and painted my nails instead of napping myself. I just needed that. It sounds trivial but I remember it being such a big deal that I make that decision that moment.
I'm glad that this pregnancy, I've been able to focus less on my fears of losing myself, and more on the joys that are ahead of us! I'm so excited to meet this little guy, to raise a boy. We have a little over a month to go (hopefully no more!) and we are really ready to meet him. I can't wait to see Imogen become a big sister and to see them grow up together, play together, fight together, everything. And I'm excited to see Josh with his little son. Oh yeah, and hands in the air if becoming a mom made you way more sentimental? Holy crap. Probably 3 times a day I have to tell myself to pull it together because you just never know when something is going to make you emotional. ;)
Big thanks to my friend Chelsea who was kind enough to take these photos of me after our breakfast date in Tempe on Saturday! <3 The beautiful sculpture we found was created by artist Shelby Larson.
Outfit// Shoes: Lotta from Stockholm. Jeans: Old Navy. Shirt: Gap (altered into a short sleeve top). Bag: thrifted. Necklace: a gift. Earrings: Gorjana. Photos were edited with Stella from The Signature Collection - my fav!
